Dave’s Daily Quotes

I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes from YOUR OWN account!

The bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

Just once, I wish someone would call me “sir” without adding “you’re making a scene.”

I killed a 6-pack, just to watch it die.

Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

Nature never said to me: Do not be poor; still less did she say: Be rich; her cry to me was always: Be independent. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

To trudge:  the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on. ~  Geoffrey Chaucer

Zealots, whatever their cause, invariably lack a sense of humor. ~ Paul Graham

In the beginning there was nothing… which was a paradox because of its own existence, so it exploded. ~ Douglas Adams

It does not pay a prophet to be too specific. ~ L. Sprague de Camp

The day before is what we bring to the day we’re actually living through, life is a matter of carrying along all those days-before, just as someone might carry stones, and when we can no longer cope with the load, the work is done. ~ José Saramago

I knew that good like bad becomes a routine, that the temporary tends to endure, that what is external permeates to the inside, and that the mask, given time, comes to be the face itself. ~ Marguerite Yourcenar

In the event that we encounter snakes in the swamps, my wife brags of making snake sandwiches. ~ Josue Cabrera

Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. ~ Woodrow T. Wilson

Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

Never pick a fight with a country that believes in reincarnation and has nuclear weapons. ~ Anonymous

You are 87% water; the other 13% keeps you from drowning. ~ P. E. Morris

Be consistent–but don’t do it all the time.

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him.  They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it. ~ Thomas Carlyle

In revolution there are two types of people:  those who make it and those who profit from it. ~ Napoleon

Man did not weave the web of life–he is merely a strand in it.  Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself. ~ Chief Seattle

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. ~ Samuel Butler

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch that I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. ~ George Bernard Shaw

It takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it. ~ Spanish Proverb