Dave’s Daily Quotes

Are you happy or are you married?

Alimony is a system in which one pays for the mistakes of two.

All the world’s a stage, and some of us are getting stage fright.    ++

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you’re asleep.

A woman should soften but not weaken a man.  ~ Sigmund Freud

The neurotic longs to touch bottom, so at least he won’t have that to worry about anymore.  ~ Mignon McLaughlin

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.    ++

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

The best laid plans of mice and men are worth just as much.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.  One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful.  This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”  The second lady says, “You think that’s…

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.    ++

I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. ~ Robert A Heinlein

Wisdom includes not getting angry unnecessarily. The Law ignores trifles and the wise man does, too. ~ Robert A Heinlein

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. ~ C. S. Lewis

My mom told me there where days like this; she just never said how many.

If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score? ~ Vince Lombardi

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. ~ Marion Barry (Mayor; Washington, DC)

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I cant help but cry.  I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff. ~ Mariah Carey

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

This road we’re on may twist and bend but it doesn’t begin and it doesn’t end. ~ Anonymous