Dave’s Daily Quotes

All women say that sentences beginning with ‘all women’ are never, never true.  

Sentences that begin with “all women” are never, never true. ~ Margaret Banning  

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties. ~ Harry Truman  

You either have to be first, best, or different. ~ Loretta Lynn    ++  

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. ~ French proverb  

You could put all the talent I had into your left eye and still not suffer from impaired vision. ~ Veronica Lake  

I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke. ~ Charlie Sheen  

Nature gave men two ends–one to sit on and one to think with.  Ever since then, man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. ~ George R. Kirkpatrick  

I voted Republican this year;  the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth. ~ Monica Lewinsky  ++  

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.

I want to make a Facebook account under the name “Nobody.”  Then, when I see a really stupid post, I can “Like” it.  And FB will say Nobody Likes This.  

I’m a humble person, really.  I’m actually much greater than I think I am. ~ Anonymous  

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. ~   Wendy Liebman  

Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over your Facebook?

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight. ~ Rita Rudner  

I’m searching Facebook for people named Hontas because I think it would be cool to … poke a Hontas.  

My bank is the worst. They’re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can’t even afford to be broke. ~ Anonymous

I’d rather lose myself in passion than lose my passion. ~ Jacques Mayol  

If you’re going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. ~ Marilyn Monroe  

BLAMESTORMING (n):  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.    ++  

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE (v, intran):  The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.  

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub’ ma) n. :   A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.

Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.  

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.  ++  

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.