Dave’s Daily Quotes

I was a child genius.   I grew out of it.

Wishing your pets could talk is fun–until you remember everything you’ve ever done in front of your pets.  

Money can’t buy happiness.  But I’d rather cry in a Ferrari.  

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.  

At my funeral, I want people to still be laughing at how it all happened.  

My Christmas spirit is 80 Proof.  

Some days I feel like the whole earth is spinning.  Wait…  

You have 10 fish, 5 drown, and 3 come back to life.  How many fish do you have? (Clue:  fish don’t drown.)  

Confession:  Some days, I feel all naked under my clothes.  

We really have a lot in common—you want to travel, I want you to go.  

Don’t let life get in the way of your dreams.  Go back to sleep.  

Tired.  Spent the whole day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Ever get the feeling that you are the reason the chicken crossed the road?  

Judge me all you want—just keep the verdict to yourself. ~ Anonymous  

We promise according to our hopes; we fulfill according to our fears. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld  

Doctor to patient:  I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.  

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. ~ Adlai  Stevenson  

Time always has a before and an after. ~ Gevril (watches) slogan  

When asked what time it was, Yogi Berra answered, “You mean today?”  

I suddenly realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn’t weird at all and it was the people saying they were weird that were weird. ~ Paul McCartney  

When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~ Dr. Robert Anthony  

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. ~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg  

There are people who possess not so much genius as a certain talent for perceiving the desires of the century, or even of the decade, before it has done so itself. ~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg  

That man is the noblest creature may also be inferred from the fact that no other creature has yet contested this claim. ~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg  

If people should ever start to do only what is necessary millions would die of hunger. ~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg