Dave’s Daily Quotes

Hertz Van Rental is not a Dutch impressionist painter!

A modern, adult western movie is where the hero still loves his horse, only now he’s worried about it. ~ Anonymous

We were so poor, chicken soup was the water we boiled the eggs in. ~ Anonymous

Speaking of unemployment, the human brain has more than ten billion cells. ~ Anonymous

They don’t make antiques like they used to.

I am a part of all that I have met. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Before enlightenment–chop wood, carry water.  After enlightenment–chop wood, carry water. ~ Zen Buddhist Proverb

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “So does that mean you don’t believe in the Catholic God or the Protestant God?” ~ Quentin Crisp

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~ Dylan Thomas

There are some remedies worse than the disease.  ~ Publilius Syrus

In a new sex survey they found that 8 percent of people had sex four or more times a week.  Now here’s the interesting part.  That number drops to 2 percent when you add the phrase, ‘With a partner.’” ~ David Letterman

You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough. ~ William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

Surely it’s no coincidence that the word “listen” is an anagram of the word “silent.”

If you think you’re free, there’s no escape possible.  ~ Ram Dass

My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am. ~ Anonymous  ++

The fly that doesn’t want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. ~ G.C. Lichtenberg

Happiness Is a Belt-Fed Weapon

You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.  ~ Navajo Proverb

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.    ++

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~ Terry Josephson

A good neighbor will babysit.  A great neighbor will babysit twins.  ~ Anonymous

If you’re going to tickle, use a feather not a whip. ~ Terri Guillemets

Dad, tell me again how when you were my age you had to walk all the way across the room to change a channel. ~ Anonymous    ++