Dave’s Daily Quotes

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. ~ Robert McCloskey  ++

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?  ++

Are there crash courses on how to fly?    ++

Why are there signs that read “no shoplifting”? Is there a place where it’s okay?    ++

Why don’t hockey teams just hire 800-pound goalies?

How come Jesus didn’t turn water into beer for the rest of us?

Do we abbreviate ADD because it’s too long to say?

Shouldn’t women earn bachelorette’s degrees?

Is “tax” another way of pronouncing “takes”?    ++

What’s wrong with being “over the hill”? Isn’t downhill easier?

Did Grant’s troops march Leeward?    ++

“It’s all good” … was that Nietzsche?

Do Asians ever say to hell with it and grab a fork?

Why do we say “eats like a bird” when every day a bird eats its own weight in food?

Was Einstein insulted when you offered a penny for his thoughts?

What do you call it when fat people swim naked?    ++

How long do fish wait to swim after they eat?

If it’s friendly fire, shouldn’t they use blanks?

No one should live by the early bird policy without first finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.

Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. ~ Emerson

Nature’s laws are the invisible government of the earth. ~ Alfred Armand Montapert

No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn’t work anyway.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. ~ James Baldwin

God is not disillusioned with us. He never had any illusions to begin with.

Most people don’t even know why they feel they have to work.