Dave’s Daily Quotes

According to a survey in Family Circle magazine, twenty-seven percent of men say that sex puts them in a peaceful state of mind.  Fifty-eight percent say money causes them stress.  So the answer is obvious — get cheaper hookers.

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.  What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

I forget, therefore I was.

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. ~ Anonymous

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got. ~ Sophia Loren

P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens

Take pride in how far you have come, have faith in how far you can go. ~ Anonymous

Habits are like submarines. They run silent and deep. – Denis Waitley

Bad habits are like chains that are too light to feel until they are too heavy to carry. ~ Warren Buffet

Habits are cobwebs at first; cables at last. ~ Chinese Proverb

Everyone blames his memory; no one blames his judgment. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld

Most people judge men only by success or by fortune. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld

It is easier to know men than to know a man. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld

Preserving your health by too strict a diet is a tedious illness. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld

Yes, well, let me tell you that if nobody had ever learned to quote, very few people would be in love with La Rochefoucauld. ~ Dorothy Parker

Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you will be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

What do gardeners do when they retire? ~ Bob Monkhouse

My father only hit me once–but he used a Volvo. ~ Bob Monkhouse

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now. ~ Bob Monkhouse

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? ~ Bob Monkhouse

If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson

The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything. ~ Voltaire