Category Life / Living

Grandkids…

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My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t […]

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The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren’t dangerous enough already. ~ Edward Abbey

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Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

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God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway… The good fortune to run into the ones I do… And the eyesight to tell the difference!

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You never get away, you only get someplace else.

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If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

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…so when the project started we all drew lots to see who would be made the scapegoat if it fails…

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Life is rarely about what happened; it’s mostly about what we think happened. ~ Chuck Klosterman

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You know you are getting old if you can remember when Crayola Crayons came in only 8 colors….

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Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

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If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying? ~ Shantideva

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If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

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Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.

Take care of the little things…

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For the want of a horseshoe a horse was lost; For the want of a horse, the rider was lost; For the want of a rider, the message was lost; For the want of a message, the battle was lost; For the want of a battle, the war was lost; For the want of a […]

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A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.

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Wherever you are, be all there. ~ Jim Elliot

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When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this–you haven’t. ~ Thomas Edison

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The hardest thing about business is minding your own.

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A good friend sees the first tear, catches the second, and stops the third.

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A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

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A good example is the best sermon.

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A good conscience is a soft pillow.

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I worry about identity theft–and why no one wants to be me.

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Two sorts of writers possess genius: those who think, and those who cause others to think. ~ Aldous Huxley

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Of all escape mechanisms, death is the most efficient. ~ H.L. Mencken

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A man should aim to think as much as a woman feels. ~ H. L. Mencken

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People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

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We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

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Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~ Maori Proverb

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Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. ~ Golda Meir

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Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem. ~ Brian Kinsey

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The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver. ~ Glenn Kittler

Thirteen quick “…therefore I am” variations

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I think, therefore I am. ~ Descartes I think, therefore I am, I think. I doubt, therefore I might be. I forget, therefore I was. I drink therefore I am. ~ W. C. Fields I think, therefore I am single. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think that I think, therefore I think that I […]

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The object of the passion is just an accessory to the passion itself. ~ Zadie Smith

7 quick quotes from Thomas Jefferson

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When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. ~ Thomas Jefferson It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. ~ Thomas Jefferson I […]

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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. ~ Ogden Nash

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I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married. ~ Anonymous

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The Road to Enlightenment is long and difficult. Bring snacks and a book.

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His toupee makes him look twenty years sillier.

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I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you. ~ Terry Buresh

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I saw a truck today. Side of the door said, “Driver has no cash.” I’m broke, too, but I don’t plaster it all over the side of my car. ~ Margaret Smith

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I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?” ~ Dave Barry

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We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home. ~ Gene Perret

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Strange things happen when you’re in debt. Two weeks ago, my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish. ~ Tom Ryan

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I went to a cigarette factory in Kentucky a few years ago, took the tour. The employees there get free smokes. Which pretty much cuts down the pension plan.

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The only thing my husband and I have in common is we were married on the same day. ~ Phyllis Diller

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ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn’t include weddings and elections. ~ Argus Hamilton

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Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

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You know you are getting old when you realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were a kid.

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You know you’re getting older when you buy trousers with the waist size larger than the length.