Category Frustration

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Everybody wants to build but nobody wants to maintain. ~ Vonnegut

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If I subtract my grief from my joy, what is the balance? ~ Joseph Stroud (paraphrased)

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Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. ~ Benjamin Franklin

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Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone. ~ Clive Staples Lewis

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Circular Definition:  see Circular Definition

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One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

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Computer people have often spoken of the “gigo” effect, standing for “garbage in – garbage out.” What gives some of us chills is the thought of a second meaning of “gigo”: “garbage in – gospel out.” It can happen here.

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If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

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I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married. ~ Anonymous

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I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?” ~ Dave Barry

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Strange things happen when you’re in debt. Two weeks ago, my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish. ~ Tom Ryan

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The only thing my husband and I have in common is we were married on the same day. ~ Phyllis Diller

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Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet. ~ Jeff Cesario

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Between want and need is self-control.

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The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand. ~ Lewis Thomas

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She was like chocolate when she drank… semi sweet at first and then bitter as she drank more.

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Nine times out of ten, when people say myself or yourself they should say me or you.

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My life so far has been a long series of things I wasn’t ready for. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

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Whining is anger through a small opening. ~ Stuart Smalley

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Never fight an inanimate object. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

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We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing. ~ Anonymous

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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. ~ Woody Allen

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It’s like, every time you open your mouth some idiot starts talking.

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Jesus loves you; it’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.

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And on the eighth day God said, “O.K. Murphy. You take over.”

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Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I’m the only ashtray.

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Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. ~ Oscar Wilde

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And which dwarf are you?

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With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. — Ransom K. Ferm

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The real world is not user-friendly.

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Why does our culture consider supervising good work more deserving of respect and compensation than doing good work?

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Until Eve arrived, this was a man’s world.  ~ Richard Armour

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Oh yeah, life goes on Long after the thrill Of living is gone. ~ John Cougar Mellencamp

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Don’t join the book burners. Don’t think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

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The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. ~ Henry Kissinger

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I don’t think the world should be made so safe that we lose the educational benefits of consequences. ~ Virgil Elliot

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At times I think and at times I am. ~ Paul Valery

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If you start out depressed, everything is kind of like a pleasant surprise. ~ Lloyd Dobler (“Say Anything”)

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The more you have, the more you want … but the less you have, the wider the selection.

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 Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable from hard work.

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It kills me sometimes, how people die.~ Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

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I once tried drawing Bill Murray on a one dollar bill but switched to drawing Jude Law. That didn’t work either so I gave up. Washington makes it too hard to turn a Bill into a Law.

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If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

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If you file it, you’ll know where it is but never need it. If you don’t file it, you’ll need it but never know where it is.

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If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.

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“Well, you already knew that life isn’t fair, right?” he said. “I guess death isn’t either.” ~ Suzanne Harper

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Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone, which makes life fair.

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It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.