Category Anonymous

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Jose & Carlos are panhandling on the street. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day. Jose says “Look […]

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I don’t think you are stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking.

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If at first you don’t succeed, do it like your mother told you.

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The beginning of success is to be different; the beginning of failure is to be the same.

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You can’t be that good; you work for me.

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Do you think sheep know when you’re pulling the wool over their eyes?

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Blow your mind — smoke gunpowder.

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Turtles never hurdle.

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If you say something stupid and no one disagrees, then you know you’re the boss. ~ Phil Simborg

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We know there is a problem with communication but we are not going to discuss it in front of the entire staff. ~ Anonymous

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The person who writes the bank’s commercials is not the person who makes the loans.

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A committee of three can accomplish much if two don’t show up.

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A sermon can help people in different ways. Some rise from it greatly strengthened, others wake up from it greatly refreshed.

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Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing.

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Time tells on a man…especially a good time.

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Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

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Live your own life for you must die your own death.

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There’s no sense asking if the air’s good when there’s nothing else to breathe. (The Fountainhead ?)

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I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

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For best results, avoid doing stupid things.

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Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

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Support search and rescue…get lost.

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An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

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Who are you to question why your god doesn’t want me to believe in him?

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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The invisible and the non-existent often look very much alike.

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What if this isn’t a rhetorical question?

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If there were no rhetorical questions, what would we do with our hypothetical answers?

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I think my brain has a mind of its own.

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I am one of the greatest liars in the English language–I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t know it wasn’t true.

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Circular Definition:  see Circular Definition

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Call me and ask about my vow of silence.

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By God, for a moment there it all made sense…

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It’s all fun and games till somebody loses an eye. Then it’s fun and games you can’t see.

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The way to a man’s heart is to saw his sternum open.

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It’s not the pace of life that concerns me; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

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If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.

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If I’m ignorant, that’s the first I’ve heard of it!

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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

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I before E except after C. We live in a weird society!

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Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.  ~ Nicole Hollander

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Money is the root of all wealth.

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One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

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There is no “I” in slut…..but there is a “U.”

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I’m going to go and find myself.  If I’m back before I return, keep me here until I come home!

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It’s funny how you think I’m listening….

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I prefer to describe myself as a ‘contemporary anthropological interactive observer’ because “stalker” sounds bad.

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Friends are like condoms, they protect you through hard times.

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Passwords are like underwear: change them often.

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I’m knot dumb!