Month: April 2014
-
If you can’t reach heaven, raise hell. Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo. ~ Virgil, The Aeneid
-
Grandkids…
My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t…
-
Beat the 5 O’clock rush: leave work at noon!
-
The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren’t dangerous enough already. ~ Edward Abbey
-
Monday’s special: two Valiums with a coffee chaser.
-
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
-
Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
-
The difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won’t eat broccoli.
-
If Israelites come from Israel, then what come from Paris?
-
Wooden shoe rather be Dutch?
-
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway… The good fortune to run into the ones I do… And the eyesight to tell the difference!
-
Adam to Eve: I’ll wear the plants in this family!
-
Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
-
A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems.
-
Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth.
-
You never get away, you only get someplace else.
-
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
-
…so when the project started we all drew lots to see who would be made the scapegoat if it fails…
-
Life is rarely about what happened; it’s mostly about what we think happened. ~ Chuck Klosterman
-
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
-
You know you are getting old if you can remember when Crayola Crayons came in only 8 colors….
-
Honk if you want to see my finger.
-
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.
-
I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
-
If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying? ~ Shantideva