Month: March 2014

  • I worry about identity theft–and why no one wants to be me.

  • When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.

  • Can a hooker get layed off?

  • It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

  • If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

  • Two sorts of writers possess genius: those who think, and those who cause others to think. ~ Aldous Huxley

  • Of all escape mechanisms, death is the most efficient. ~ H.L. Mencken

  • A man should aim to think as much as a woman feels. ~ H. L. Mencken

  • Fool that I was, upon my eagle’s wings I bore this wren, till I was tired with soaring, and now he mounts above me. ~ John Dryden

  • Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!

  • People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

  • We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

  • What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this s***…”

  • Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~ Maori Proverb

  • Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. ~ Golda Meir

  • Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem. ~ Brian Kinsey

  • The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver. ~ Glenn Kittler

  • Thirteen quick “…therefore I am” variations

    I think, therefore I am. ~ Descartes I think, therefore I am, I think. I doubt, therefore I might be. I forget, therefore I was. I drink therefore I am. ~ W. C. Fields I think, therefore I am single. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think that I think, therefore I think that I…

  • The object of the passion is just an accessory to the passion itself. ~ Zadie Smith

  • 7 quick quotes from Thomas Jefferson

    When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. ~ Thomas Jefferson It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. ~ Thomas Jefferson I…

  • Stupidity is not a crime. You’re free to go

  • Watch out for the idiot behind me. ~ Bumper Sticker

  • People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. ~ Ogden Nash

  • I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married. ~ Anonymous

  • Far too many writers rely on the classic formula of a beginning, a muddle, and an end. ~ Philip Carlin