Month: November 2013
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A Pachydermatologist
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What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!
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Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. ~ Woody Allen
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How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? – Satchel Paige
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The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. ~ Hubert Humphrey
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain
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Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate. ~ George Carlin
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~ W.C. Fields
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The worst thing that can happen to you can be the best thing for you, if you don’t let it get the best of you. ~ Will Rogers
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I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
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How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It’s not hard.
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To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte?
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Above all else, sky.
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On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
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Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
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It’s like, every time you open your mouth some idiot starts talking.
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Crap! This is a terrible time for the meds to wear off.
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Conserve toilet paper–use both sides.
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You probably don’t recognize me without the cape.
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When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I’m older, I don’t need the W.
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Jesus loves you; it’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
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It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.
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What sunshine is to flowers…smiles are to humanity. ~ Joseph Addison