Month: October 2013

  • You never see the bad days in a photo album but it’s those days that get us from one happy snapshot to the next.

  • There are three ways a man can be ruined: women, gambling, and farming. My father chose the most boring. ~ Pope John XXIII

  • Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?

  • And on the eighth day God said, “O.K. Murphy. You take over.”

  • Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?

  • Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

  • Anger is one letter short of danger.

  • The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart. ~ Josiah G. Holland

  • You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

  • Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I’m the only ashtray.

  • Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface. This would explain the death…

  • Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.

  • Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

  • Anybody can grab a tiger by the tail. You only survive by knowing what to do next.