Month: May 2013
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It’s no use going back to yesterday–I was a different person then. ~ Lewis G. Carroll
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Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
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Little things affect little minds. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
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She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. ~ Will Rogers
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The first step to better times is to imagine them.
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I’m not even going to ignore that.
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I distinctly remember forgetting that.
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I cannot say that I don’t disagree with you. ~ Groucho Marx
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The mint makes it first, it’s up to you to make it last. ~ Evan Esar
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Some go on a diet while most are merely wishful shrinkers. ~ Evan Esar
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May the force be with y’all.
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If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
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I don’t have a big ego; I’m way too cool for that.
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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”
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12 Bible Puns
Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A: Ruthless. Q: What do they call pastors in Germany? A: German Shepherds. Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in…
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I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.
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Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
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Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.
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I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake up screaming.
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He is a self-made man and worships his creator. ~ John Bright
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She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
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No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.