Month: May 2013

  • It’s no use going back to yesterday–I was a different person then. ~ Lewis G. Carroll

  • Since when is talking a sign of thinking?

  • Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

  • Little things affect little minds. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

  • She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. ~ Will Rogers

  • The first step to better times is to imagine them.

  • I’m not even going to ignore that.

  • I distinctly remember forgetting that.

  • I cannot say that I don’t disagree with you. ~ Groucho Marx

  • The mint makes it first, it’s up to you to make it last. ~ Evan Esar

  • Some go on a diet while most are merely wishful shrinkers. ~ Evan Esar

  • May the force be with y’all.

  • If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

  • I don’t have a big ego; I’m way too cool for that.

  • A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.   As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.  Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

  • 12 Bible Puns

    Q:         What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A:         Ruthless.   Q:         What do they call pastors in Germany? A:         German Shepherds.   Q:         Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A:         Noah.  He was floating his stock while everyone else was in…

  • I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

  • Aspire to inspire before you expire.

  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth.  Deal with it.

  • Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.

  • I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake up screaming.

  • He is a self-made man and worships his creator. ~ John Bright

  • She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.