Month: November 2012
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Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
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It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~ Annie Gottlier
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There is only one thing worse than losing, and that is quitting.
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This is serious: some of the things that are supposed to last the rest of my life are already wearing out. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
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It’s human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
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Sometimes, when one person dies, it leaves the whole world empty.
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What I like most about myself is that I’m so understanding when I do something wrong.
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I want to start a women’s magazine called “Period.” Some months I’ll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.
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Quiet people have the loudest minds. ~ Stephen Hawking
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Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So, logically, pancakes are more important than family.
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Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
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Did you hear there is a dwarf shortage?
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My wife says that the difference between a husband and childbirth is that one can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
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My wife told me: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate. I said: Just you wait.
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One time I was going up an escalator and tripped; I fell down the steps for an hour and a half!!
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As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.
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Is it possible to be in two places at twice?
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I saw a one armed man in a second hand store the other day.
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When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman’s body. However, that changed when I was born.
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Is it true that doctors spank babies’ bottoms when they are born because it knocks the penis off of the dumb ones?
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Okay…new Christmas game! “Message” me your credit card number & 3-digit security code, and I’ll update my status with what I bought with it!
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A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.
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Learn to spell… Auto Correct isn’t always write.
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It doesn’t matter if you win or lose until you lose.
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THIS JUST IN: Child actor Buckwheat has converted his religion to Islam. He will now go by the the name of Kareem of Wheat.