Month: July 2012
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I make serious coffee – so strong it wakes up the neighbors.
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Gratitude is the best attitude.
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The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. ~ Amy Grant
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All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different. ~ John Berger
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How many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards? You can subtract it as many times as you want, and it leaves 76 every time.
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Our Number 1 problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything…but don’t quote me.
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My wife wanted to renew our vows. I told her I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
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Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
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Sometimes I just can’t prevent clean thoughts from entering my mind.
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I wish my mouth had a backspace key.
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Those small bumps around women’s nipples are Braille for “suck here.”
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Today’s message is brought to you by Oil of Olay, the favorite oil of Spanish bull fighters.
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One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others
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A golf course is a site to be holed.
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In poker, a good deal depends on a good deal.
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Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
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The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
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My wife says that she will dance on my grave. I’ve now arranged to be buried at sea.
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I tried to go see a pirate movie, but they wouldn’t let me in. It was rated arrrrrr!
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If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to?
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I’m in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper.
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Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.
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At the mall I saw a kid on a leash. Ha. All of mine were cordless.
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Not only does my wife drive me crazy, she makes me pay for the gas.
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My new health club is so fancy, they have a spiral StairMaster.