Month: June 2012
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Personally, I don’t believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.
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If money won’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.
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An Appendix is something found in the back of a book. Sometimes they get inside people and have to be taken out.
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Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world… it’s an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Ask not what your country can do for you, but how much it’s going to cost for them to do it.
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I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
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Speaking your mind isn’t the same thing as using it.
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If I can be of any help, you’re in worse shape than I thought.
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Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
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A child, like your stomach, doesn’t need all you can afford to give it. ~ Frank A. Clark
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Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms. ~ George Carlin
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Too much of everything is just enough.
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Iron man: a Fe male.
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I spent some time at my wife’s grave earlier. She thinks I’m digging a pond.
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Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
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In a cave, I found pictures of women’s breasts, but when I picked them up, a giant net fell on me. It was a booby trap.
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My wife and I have been arguing over which is the best vowel. I won.
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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked? A Seatbelt!
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I used to live on the 3rd floor but have just moved up to the 4th floor. But, that’s another story.
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My wife said we would have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic. I said, “FEWER ARGUMENTS.”
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I’m a competitive person… I’ll be the first to admit it.
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I put a couple of t’s in my beer last night. It made it better.
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To be frank would involve changing my name.
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Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.