Month: January 2012
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I went to a seafood dance party last week and pulled a mussel.
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A Massive Dose of Steven Wright…
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. ~ Steven Wright Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? ~ Steven Wright Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? ~ Steven Wright How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~…
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Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together? ~ Steven Wright
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I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. ~ Steven Wright
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How should we train memory to learn to forget? ~ Stanislaw J. Lec
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What do I believe? I believe in God, if He exists. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec
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Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec
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If you give some bosses an inch they think they’re a ruler.
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Implement now, perfect later. ~ Larry Winget
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You can’t do everything at once, but you can do something at once. ~ Zig Ziglar
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Most people spend their entire lives on a fantasy island called ‘Someday I’ll…’ ~ Denis Waitley
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Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea? Nothing! ~ Donald Gardner
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If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
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To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his left and right hand. He uses both. ~ St. Catherine of Siena
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You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~ Christopher Columbus
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One Pun Upun Another…
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. ++ If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway. Every calendar’s days are numbered. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. When the electricity went off during…
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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
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A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent. ~ Jerome Lawrence
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The neurotic believes that life has meaning, but that his life hasn’t. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
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The neurotic usually obeys his own Golden Rule: Hate thy neighbor as thyself. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
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The greatest unsolved theorem in mathematics is why some people are better at it than others. ~ Adrian Mathesis
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Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.
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What does a blonde say when she sees a banana skin on the floor? Oh great… I’m gonna trip again. ++
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I think my wife has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
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There are two reasons why some folks don’t mind their own business. No mind, No business.