Month: November 2011

  • If you receive something that says, ‘Send this to everyone you know,’ pretend you don’t know me.  

  • I always try to count my blessings, but I am no good at fractions.  

  • For all you do, His blood’s for you!  

  • The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.  ++  

  • If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?  

  • If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.  

  • We’re all our fathers’ fastest swimmers.  

  • Rap is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

  • Why do they call it a bumper if you’re not going to use it?  

  • Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.  

  • I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw.  

  • Save the Earth, it’s the only planet with Chocolate.  

  • The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. ~ Robert Frost  

  • Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.

  • Whoever said the sun brings happiness never danced in the rain.  

  • Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.  

  • The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. ~ Rita Rudner  

  • I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. ~ Jimmy Carter  

  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to quit while you’re ahead?  

  • Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.  

  • Chuck Norris, anyone?

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.  ++ Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for…

  • Who stopped payment on your reality check?  

  • Spiritual sloth, or acedia, was known as The Sin of the Middle Ages.  It’s the sin of my middle age, too. ~ Mignon McLaughlin  

  • One time, I almost won the World Origami Championship. But I folded.  

  • As you get older, don’t let society tell you what you can and can’t do. That’s what arthritis is for.