Month: November 2011
-
If you receive something that says, ‘Send this to everyone you know,’ pretend you don’t know me.
-
I always try to count my blessings, but I am no good at fractions.
-
For all you do, His blood’s for you!
-
The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield. ++
-
If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?
-
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.
-
We’re all our fathers’ fastest swimmers.
-
Rap is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
-
Why do they call it a bumper if you’re not going to use it?
-
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
-
I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw.
-
Save the Earth, it’s the only planet with Chocolate.
-
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. ~ Robert Frost
-
Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.
-
Whoever said the sun brings happiness never danced in the rain.
-
Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.
-
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. ~ Rita Rudner
-
I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. ~ Jimmy Carter
-
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to quit while you’re ahead?
-
Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
-
Chuck Norris, anyone?
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. ++ Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for…
-
Who stopped payment on your reality check?
-
Spiritual sloth, or acedia, was known as The Sin of the Middle Ages. It’s the sin of my middle age, too. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
-
One time, I almost won the World Origami Championship. But I folded.
-
As you get older, don’t let society tell you what you can and can’t do. That’s what arthritis is for.