Month: May 2011

  • It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.  

  • You’ll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they’re not all recommended.  

  • Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don’t collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don’t really mean anything. ~ Norman Lear  

  • My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical–nobody at work has ever mentioned it.  

  • Women  say men are like mascara; they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

  • You know that feeling when you exercise so much you can hardly move?  Me either.

  • You’d think that after all these years of practice, I’d be good at waking up by now.  

  • Test a psychic’s ability with a knock-knock joke.  If they say “Who’s there?”–leave immediately.

  • I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money.  I think I should have chosen my words better.  

  • The first 30 years of marriage are the hardest.  I thought…  

  • This is so sad. Please put this on your status if you know someone or are related to someone, who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a sufferer right now. There is no cure for stupidity and sympathy doesn’t…

  • Woman’s equality to man is not a claim . . . rather a concession.  

  •   I’ve got a girlfriend with ribbons in her hair. Now what could be better than that? ~ Talking Heads [“Stop Making Sense”]  

  • To find fault with a person’s intellect you must first find their intellect.  

  • The concept of evil is evil. ~ Anonymous

  • Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. ~ Jordan Yuscavage  

  • When the rain falls, it don’t fall on one man’s house! ~ Bob Marley  

  • Why is it we never hear of a self-made woman?  

  • It is said that the present is pregnant with the future. ~ Anonymous  

  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its…

  • What did the number zero say to the number eight?  Nice belt!  

  • Mother Teresa or Nike?

    People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do…

  • It is amazing how long it takes to complete something you are not working on.  

  • Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name. ~ Anonymous  

  • If a job is not worth doing, it’s not worth doing right. ~ Anonymous