Dave's Daily Quotes

You can’t be that good; you work for me.

Do you think sheep know when you’re pulling the wool over their eyes?

The word good has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man. ~ Chesterton

Blow your mind — smoke gunpowder.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Turtles never hurdle.

If you say something stupid and no one disagrees, then you know you’re the boss. ~ Phil Simborg

It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.  ~ Jack Handey

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. ~ Christopher Marlow

Last week Human Resources said they were going to garnish my wages.  Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of parsley in my paycheck will make it any more attractive.  ~ David Henry

Psychic:  An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons. ~ Charles Bufe

Today’s pay slip has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes novel.  ~ Raymond Cvikota

We know there is a problem with communication but we are not going to discuss it in front of the entire staff. ~ Anonymous

Money makes money and the money money makes makes money. ~ Benjamin Franklin

The person who writes the bank’s commercials is not the person who makes the loans.

A committee of three can accomplish much if two don’t show up.

Everybody wants to build but nobody wants to maintain. ~ Vonnegut

If I subtract my grief from my joy, what is the balance? ~ Joseph Stroud (paraphrased)

When we fall in love with someone there’s a moment when we take a picture of that person, an emotional snapshot, that we carry with us forever. If we are lucky, very lucky, the person we fall in love with will always resemble that snapshot. ~ Jim Geoghan