November 2013
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Month November 2013

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A Pachydermatologist

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!

Do not regret growing older.  It is a privilege denied to many.

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. ~ Woody Allen

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? – Satchel Paige

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. ~ Hubert Humphrey

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate. ~ George Carlin

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~ W.C. Fields

The worst thing that can happen to you can be the best thing for you, if you don’t let it get the best of you. ~ Will Rogers

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It’s not hard.

To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte?

Above all else, sky.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

It’s like, every time you open your mouth some idiot starts talking.

Crap! This is a terrible time for the meds to wear off.

Conserve toilet paper–use both sides.

You probably don’t recognize me without the cape.

When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I’m older, I don’t need the W.

Jesus loves you; it’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.

What sunshine is to flowers…smiles are to humanity. ~ Joseph Addison