November 2012
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Day November 21, 2012

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~ Annie Gottlier

There is only one thing worse than losing, and that is quitting.

This is serious:  some of the things that are supposed to last the rest of my life are already wearing out. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

It’s human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Sometimes, when one person dies, it leaves the whole world empty. 

What I like most about myself is that I’m so understanding when I do something wrong.

I want to start a women’s magazine called “Period.”  Some months I’ll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

Quiet people have the loudest minds. ~ Stephen Hawking

Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood.  So, logically, pancakes are more important than family.

Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.

Did you hear there is a dwarf shortage?

My wife says that the difference between a husband and childbirth is that one can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

My wife told me:  You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.  I said:  Just you wait.

One time I was going up an escalator and tripped; I fell down the steps for an hour and a half!!

As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be.  Turns out the police call it identity theft.

Is it possible to be in two places at twice?

I saw a one armed man in a second hand store the other day.

When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman’s body. However, that changed when I was born.

Is it true that doctors spank babies’ bottoms when they are born because it knocks the penis off of the dumb ones?

Okay…new Christmas game!  “Message” me your credit card number & 3-digit security code, and I’ll update my status with what I bought with it!

A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.

Learn to spell… Auto Correct isn’t always write.

It doesn’t matter if you win or lose until you lose.

THIS JUST IN: Child actor Buckwheat has converted his religion to Islam.  He will now go by the the name of Kareem of Wheat.

The voices in my head have switched to sign language just to mess with me.

Movie characters are always so awesome. If they wake up mysteriously in a hospital alone and beaten up, they just rip the IV right out of their arm and slip past the nurses. I would at least want to see my chart first, and maybe get some juice.

It amazes me what humans can do, even when streams are flowing down their faces and they stagger on… ~  Markus Zusak

I am haunted by humans. ~ Markus Zusak