October 2012
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Day October 14, 2012

I have no beef with vegetarians.

I deserted my wife last night. I gave her a big bowl of chocolate pudding.

I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn’t quite have the same effect in print.

Did you hear about the bird that was born without a beak? He was born to succeed

I went into the changing room several times, but it was still the same.

The bra section. The only place in the world where you fail if you get an A.

90% of communication is done through body language. That’s why it’s really easy to lie to blind people.

What’s longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage? Justin Bieber’s chest hair.

When someone prays for a flood to stop, they’re basically saying, “God, dam it.”

If ‘No’ is not an acceptable answer, don’t ask.

Poe-try

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber through the chamber of my brain Quaintest thoughts – queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

IF A DOG WERE YOUR TEACHER…

 Think about what you could learn from your dog: – When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. – Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. – When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. – Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. – Take naps and stretch before […]

Reality is whatever doesn’t go away after you stop believing in it. ~ Philip K. Dick

When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember you do not have to outrun the Dragon…

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. ~ Peter Ustinov

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Good people drink good beer. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Ritual is what we do when we run out of rational. ~ Gregory House

The wise know their weakness too well to assume infallibility; and he who knows most, knows best how little he knows. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Women, you are only helpless while your nail polish is wet.  Even then you could pull a trigger if you had to… ~ Anonymous