October 2012
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Month October 2012

Marriage is not a ritual or an end.  It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner. ~ Amy Bloom

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. ~ Confucius

An employer once said, “What if I train my people and they leave?” and I answered, “What if you don’t train them and they stay?” ~ Evan Kirshenbaum

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the equipment, training, and staff to make a difference.

Have food–will work for money.

I don’t delegate responsibility.  I delegate blame.

I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still here.

I’m so bored I may have to resort to doing some work.

RTFMA. Read the manual, SIR!

There’s gotta be an easier way of going broke.

With feedback, decisions are judged on results. Without feedback, decisions are judged on appearance.

I work well with others. Others. Not you.

Seven out of ten voices in my head say “Call in sick.”

A bit beyond perception’s reach I sometimes believe I see that Life is two locked boxes, each containing the other’s key. ~ Piet Hein

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

Having fear is like being thirsty or hungry—you do something about it.

Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets. ~ Arthur Bach

Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking–that’s about the same.

Sometimes it’s the smallest things that take up the most room in your heart. Like blood clots.

I recently bought a second keyboard.  Now I can indulge in some stereotyping.

LeAnn Rimes. No it doesn’t

I’m considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?

I had to do a presentation on children’s playground equipment. So I did a slide show.

Double negatives are a no-no.

Cashiers are always checking me out.

Did you know that the average married couple argues 412 times a year? Well, 415 actually, but try telling her that.

I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn’t quite have the same effect in print.

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on reverse psychology.  The librarian says, “You don’t want to read that.”

My three unwritten rules: 1. 2. 3.

I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution:  1024×768.

By and large, the women involved in online dating are bi, and large.

The Tax System Explained in Beer

The Tax System Explained in Beer JANUARY 12, 2012 Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this… The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing The […]

I have no beef with vegetarians.

I deserted my wife last night. I gave her a big bowl of chocolate pudding.

I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn’t quite have the same effect in print.

Did you hear about the bird that was born without a beak? He was born to succeed

I went into the changing room several times, but it was still the same.

The bra section. The only place in the world where you fail if you get an A.

90% of communication is done through body language. That’s why it’s really easy to lie to blind people.

What’s longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage? Justin Bieber’s chest hair.

When someone prays for a flood to stop, they’re basically saying, “God, dam it.”

If ‘No’ is not an acceptable answer, don’t ask.

Poe-try

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber through the chamber of my brain Quaintest thoughts – queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

IF A DOG WERE YOUR TEACHER…

 Think about what you could learn from your dog: – When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. – Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. – When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. – Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. – Take naps and stretch before […]

Reality is whatever doesn’t go away after you stop believing in it. ~ Philip K. Dick

When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember you do not have to outrun the Dragon…

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. ~ Peter Ustinov

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Good people drink good beer. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Ritual is what we do when we run out of rational. ~ Gregory House