April 2012
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Month April 2012

You never know who’s right, but you always know who’s in charge.

We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm. ~ George Orwell  

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams. ~ Jack Johnson

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ~ H. L. Mencken

People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false; a gift confers no rights. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest. ~ Alexander Dumas

I wanted to be a non-fiction writer, until I realized: it’s ALL fiction. ~ Annie Zalezsak

Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice. ~ Stanley Horowitz

I praise loudly; I blame softly. ~ Catherine the Second

Most of us believe in trying to make other people happy only if they can be happy in ways which we approve. ~ Robert S. Lynd

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~ Joan Rivers

It is impossible to overestimate the unimportance of just about everything.

That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet. ~ Emily Dickenson

I’m still waiting for some public reaction to my arrival on earth. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant  

People change and forget to tell each other. ~ Lillian Hellman

It is not a question of how a husband and wife can be equal and alike. It is a question of how they can be equal and different. ~ Pierre Mornell

Sign in a bar: If the waitress looks beautiful to you, don’t drive.

Gluttony is not a secret vice.

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. ~ George Pataki

Face your problems, don’t Facebook your problems.

The gap in our economy is between what we have and what we think we ought to have–and that is a moral problem, not an economic one. ~ Paul Heyne  

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. ~ William Congreve

You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger. ~ Buddha

It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. ~ Lewis G. Carroll

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. ~ George Bernard Shaw    

So much to do, so few people to do it for me.

If today was a fish, I’d throw it back in.

It’s a Bad Day When…

You know it’s a bad day when… … the sun comes up in the west. … you jump out of bed and miss the floor. … the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. … you put both contact lenses in the same eye. … your pet rock snaps at you. … the blind […]

Life’s a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.

Overdrawn? But I still have checks left…

Find your aim in life before you run out of ammunition.

The difficulty is not buying on time, it’s paying on time. ~ Evan Esar

America believes in education:  The average college professor earns more in a year than the average professional athlete earns in a whole week. ~ Evan Esar

The secret of a secret is to know when and how to tell it. ~ Evan Esar

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church when….

1. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.   2. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether […]

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Calling an illegal alien an “undocumented immigrant” is like calling a drug dealer an “unlicensed pharmacist.”

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.  It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right. ~ Thomas Paine

Time is shortening. But every day that I challenge this cancer and survive is a victory for me. ~ Ingrid Bergman

In order to deviate successfully, one has to have at least a passing acquaintance with whatever norm one expects to deviate from. ~ Frank Zappa

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. ~ Franklin P. Adams

Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

If you spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would cover the Sahara Desert.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.