April 2012
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Day April 29, 2012

How hot is it?  The swimming pool was so crowded today that I had to dive in three times before I hit water.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties. ~ Bob Hope

Q: What is the difference between an HMO doctor and a seagull? A: A seagull can still make a significant deposit on a Mercedes.

What is a Pre-Existing Condition?

I was hitting the ski slopes when a bizarre accident occurred. While fumbling my way off a chair lift, another chair hit me from behind and knocked me out cold. I woke up with a headache, in a hospital bed and immediately called my insurance company. After explaining what happened the insurance rep said, “We’re […]

Health insurance is like hospital gowns; you only think you‘re covered.

A scientist in Australia has invented a bra which offers more support and prevents a woman’s breasts from bouncing up and down. After announcing his invention, the scientist was taken outside and beaten by a large group of men. ~ Conan O’Brien

Many of those who rely on body language need to improve their vocabularies.

Ham and eggs…a day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. ~ Anonymous

Years ago, fairy tales all began with Once upon a time… now we know they all begin with: If I am elected. ~ Carolyn Warner

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.  ~ Amy Carmichael

At the mall I saw a kid on a leash. And I think if I ever have a kid, it’s gonna be cordless. ~ Wendy Liebman

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. ~ Anonymous

Single people throw the best parties. They don’t have to worry about their furniture getting messed up. Their friends can destroy everything they own. They’re out 15 bucks. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and we’re not using it anymore. ~ Anonymous