April 2012
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Day April 15, 2012

I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid.

Cult: a small unpopular religion. Religion: a large popular cult.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

17 Funny Buttons

1.  Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 2.  Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 3. Do I look like a freakin’ people person? 4. This isn’t an office-It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 6. I’ve found Jesus. He was […]

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

If you’re ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come down, you have gone mad, so don’t trust in anything. ~ Gregory Maguire

How did they ever get the permit to create the world? ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

What you seize is what you get.

A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time; it’s called a four loaf cleaver.

Nylons give women a run for their money.

An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.

Old skiers never die–they just go down hill.

Most people are fast to stop you before you get started but hesitant to get in the way if you’re moving. ~ Timothy Ferriss

Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. ~ Orlando Battista

Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things. ~ Peter Drucker

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute. ~ Anonymous

The way the neurotic sees it:  bars on his door mean that he’s locked in; bars on your door mean that he’s locked out. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

You never know who’s right, but you always know who’s in charge.