March 2012
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Month March 2012

I can’t mate in captivity. ~ Gloria Steinem (on why she has never married)

It’s not reality or how you perceive things that’s important—it’s what you’re taking for it…

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others. ~ Kin Hubbard

You’re a primate. Get over it.

I’ve come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies.  Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just part of the way the world works.  Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you […]

Edwards’ Law:  You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem.

If I had all the money I’d spent on drink, I’d spend it on drink. ~ Sir Henry Rawlinson

I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint. ~ Mark Twain

I see little difference between the government taking over the companies and the companies taking over the government. ~ slashdot

I had an appointment to see my psychic next week but she called and told me that I wouldn’t be able to make it.

To me, it’s always easy to choose between the infinite, the ultimate, and chocolate. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

My wife believes that a romantic setting has a diamond in it.

The biggest problem in Nashville is trying to find clean words that rhyme with “truck.”

The written word can be erased–not so with the spoken word.

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

To be or not to be… I think it’s a trick question.

I thought I’d forget you, but I guess I forgot to.

A bigot is a narrow-minded man who thinks the straight and narrow path isn’t narrow enough.

Great Female “Comebacks”

Man:  “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” Woman:  “Do not Enter!”   Man:  “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.” Woman:  “Yeah!  Let’s pick up some chicks!”   Man:  “Hey, cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?” Woman:  “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species..”   Man:  […]

Welcome to the Republican Party….

A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs.   He stopped her and asked her how she was […]

Geez if you believe in honkus.

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. ~ Zig Ziglar

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. ~ H. L. Mencken

Suppose two-thirds of the members of the national House of Representatives were dumped into the Washington garbage incinerator tomorrow, what would we lose to offset our gain of their salaries and the salaries of their parasites? ~ H. L. Mencken

Hanging one scoundrel, it appears, does not deter the next. Well, what of it? The first one is at least disposed of. ~ H. L. Mencken

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution. ~ H. L. Mencken

Ideas don’t stay in some minds for long because they don’t like solitary confinement.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. ~ Dave Barry

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you are right and you shut up, you’re married.

Sweat is nature’s way of showing you your muscles are crying.

I’m learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button. ~ Paul Alexander

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong–but that’s the way to bet. ~ Damon Runyon

I hear voices in my head. I don’t worry about it because that’s where my ears are.  ~ Simone Alexander

It may be true that you can’t fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.  ~ Will Durant

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.  ~ Stephen Leacock

I used to be a dancer, but the music kept throwing me off.

With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?  

Might be a Redneck if…

You might be a redneck if: Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. […]

I hate four letter words…Like Cook, Bake, Dust, and Wash

I never confused what I had with what I was. ~Jonathan Safran Foer

Songs are as sad as the listener. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Presence is more than just being there. If your absence doesn’t make any difference, your presence won’t either.

When you give and don’t expect anything back that’s love. But if you give and expect a return it’s an investment.

All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner. ~ Red Skelton

Algebra was easy for the Romans because “X” was always 10.

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. ~ John C. Maxwell

Why not have “Free Immigration”

[prior to 1914, almost anyone was allowed to immigrate to the USA at any time]  …Because it is one thing to have free immigration to jobs. It is another thing to have free immigration to welfare. And you cannot have both. If you have a welfare state, if you have a state in which every […]

Monogamy: A belief so strong that millions of people end perfectly good relationships in order to start another. ~ Anonymous

To err is human–but it feels divine. ~ Mae West