February 2012
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Day February 11, 2012

All I want is someone to hold me. And pay me for it. ~ Phil Simborg  

A wedding ring should cut off the wearer’s circulation. ~ Gladiola Montana  

A woman’s word is never done.  

The greatest cause of infidelity is a stalemate at home. ~ Anonymous  

Friendship is almost always the union of part of one mind with part of another; people are friends in spots. ~ George Santayana  

Parking is such street sorrow.  

I went to Jenny Craig. So far I’ve lost seventy dollars.  

It’s a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.  ~ Albert Camus  

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s about $7 in dog money. ~ Joe Weinstein  

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. ~ Tom Waits  

I choose toilet paper through a process of elimination. ~ George Carlin  

The similarities between me and my father are different. ~ Dale Berra  

Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.  

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.  

Oy to the World ~ Jewish Christmas Carol  

Are you a man or a mouse? Squeak up!  

Of all the nasty, low down, foul, dirty schemes I’ve ever heard, I like yours the best.

A fool and his money are soon….Hey!  Where’s my wallet?  

You and the CEO have something in common. You’ve both gone as far as you can in this company.  

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.