January 2012
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Day January 26, 2012

I went to a seafood dance party last week and pulled a mussel.  

A Massive Dose of Steven Wright…

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.  ~ Steven Wright   Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?  ~ Steven Wright   Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?  ~ Steven Wright   How come abbreviated is such a long word?  ~ […]

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?  ~ Steven Wright  

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.  ~ Steven Wright  

How should we train memory to learn to forget? ~ Stanislaw J. Lec  

What do I believe? I believe in God, if He exists. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec  

Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec  

If you give some bosses an inch they think they’re a ruler.  

Implement now, perfect later. ~ Larry Winget  

You can’t do everything at once, but you can do something at once. ~ Zig Ziglar  

Most people spend their entire lives on a fantasy island called ‘Someday I’ll…’ ~ Denis Waitley

Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea?  Nothing! ~ Donald Gardner  

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer  

To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his left and right hand. He uses both. ~ St. Catherine of Siena  

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~ Christopher Columbus  

One Pun Upun Another…

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.    ++   If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.   What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.   Every calendar’s days are numbered.   Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.   When the electricity went off during […]

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.  

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air.  A psychotic is the man who lives in it.  A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent. ~ Jerome Lawrence

The neurotic believes that life has meaning, but that his life hasn’t. ~ Mignon McLaughlin  

The neurotic usually obeys his own Golden Rule:  Hate thy neighbor as thyself. ~ Mignon McLaughlin  

The greatest unsolved theorem in mathematics is why some people are better at it than others. ~ Adrian Mathesis  

Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.  

What does a blonde say when she sees a banana skin on the floor? Oh great… I’m gonna trip again.  ++