January 2012
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Day January 19, 2012

I think my wife has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.  

There are two reasons why some folks don’t mind their own business. No mind, No business.  

The wife told me she’s got it made.  She has a husband and a TV set…and they’re both working.  

I think I might be getting over my insomnia. The other day my foot fell asleep.  

I worry that the person who thought up Rap may be thinking up something else.  

A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it’s an undo-it-yourself project.  

If a man tells a woman she’s beautiful, she’ll overlook most of his other lies.  

I have a strong will but a weak won’t.  

Examine what is said, not who speaks.  

Don’t tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.  

Come to the dark side–we have cookies.  

Any fool can know. The point is to understand. ~ Albert Einstein  

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

The buck doesn’t even slow down here!  

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.  

Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.  

Cherish that awkward moment when you’re eavesdropping on a stranger’s conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

You don’t have to understand to be understanding.  

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! ~ Anonymous  

If you had x-ray vision and closed your eyes, could you still see?  

Confidence is sexy.  

Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re strong enough to wait for what you really deserve. ~ Anonymous  

Never fall for a person who isn’t willing to catch you.  

You know you’re getting old when people start telling you how young you look.    

Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real.  

People who do only what is required of them are, in a sense, slaves. Those who do more are free. ~ Anonymous  

If an excuse is good enough, we call it a reason.  

It isn’t enough to ask intelligent questions, you have to listen intelligently to the answers.  

TEN SUGGESTIONS FOR GETTING ALONG BETTER WITH PEOPLE

Guard your tongue. Say less than you think. Make promises sparingly. Keep them faithfully. Never let pass an opportunity to say a kind word. Be interested in others; their pursuits, work, and families. Be cheerful. Don’t dwell on minor aches and small disappointments. Keep an open mind. Discuss but don’t argue. Disagree without being disagreeable. […]

The best years of your life are when the kids are old enough to help shovel the snow but too young to drive a car.  

A group becomes a team when each member is sure enough of himself and his contribution to praise the skills of others. ~ Norman G. Shiddle  

When you spot a quack, duck.

TEN MOST USED EXCUSES

I forgot. No one told me to go ahead. I didn’t think it was that important. Wait until the boss comes back and ask him/her. I didn’t know you were in a hurry for it. That’s the way we have always done it. That’s not in my department. How was I to know this was […]

We’re overpaying him but he’s worth it.  

Summer is the time when it is too hot to do the jobs it was too cold to do in winter.  

The two rules of procrastination:  1) Do it today.  2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.  

I do my work at the same time each day–the last minute.  

A life is never ended until all the lives it has touched have ended too. ~ Chinese proverb

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left?  There are still five–because there’s a difference between deciding and doing. ~  Mark L Feldman & Michael F Spratt  

The only one who got everything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. ~ Anonymous  

Some men die in shrapnel Some go down in flames Most men perish inch by inch Playing little games. ~ from “Business Beyond the Box” by John O’Keeffe  

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page. ~ Saint Augustine