December 2011
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Month December 2011

I love working on days like this. If I was off, I’d just get sunburned and drink too much. Thanks work, for looking out for me.  

I just rolled my eyes out loud. Not everyone can do it.  

I’ve always been taught to be patient, but now I’m worried that I’m just encouraging idiots to waste people’s time.

I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. ~ Arthur Godfrey

Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.

Yes, I get funny looks. I like funny looks.  

Make money fast: don’t give it any food.  

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men–from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes  

Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian, wine and tarragon make it French, sour cream makes it Russian, lemon and cinnamon make it Greek, soy sauce makes it Chinese, garlic makes it good. ~ Alice May Brock  

Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination. ~ Marcel Proust  

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. ~ George Meredith  

Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big, big trouble. ~ Doctor Leon  

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. ~ Yogi Berra  

There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today. ~ Mignon McLaughlin  

Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.  

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. ~ P. J. O’Rourke  

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.  

Sorry I missed church. I’ve been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.  

Oh, no!!  Not another learning experience!  

Just say NO to negativity.

I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability. ~ Ron White  

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.~ Samuel Butler  

Stable relationships are for horses.  

I am a deeply superficial person.  

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.  

If your beauty is on the inside, turn yourself inside out.  

Wife was feeling romantic and told me to whisper her favorite words.  I said, “I’ll buy it for you.”  

My child was Trustee of the Month at Folsom!!  

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.  

What is 8 divided in two parts? Vertically it is 3; horizontally it is 0    

In theory, the difference between theory and practice is small. In practice, the difference between theory and practice is large. ~ William Edwards Deming  

Most husbands become interested in politics. In fact, many of them are already the minority leader in their house.  

The most difficult arithmetic to master is the art of counting our blessings.  

The dollar has dropped in value–but there’s no need to worry until some country turns down our foreign aid.  

The older generation thought nothing of getting up at 5am. The younger generation doesn’t think much of it either.  

Sometimes I feel like I’m only ankle deep in the gene pool.  

Can a first cousin, once removed, return?  

Cemetery (n):  A marble orchard not to be taken for granite.  

Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?  

The truth is out there?  Anyone know the URL?

Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we’re all related.  

When your mind goes blank, don’t forget to turn off the sound.  

When you have the Energy and the Money, you haven’t got the Time! When you have the Energy and the Time, you haven’t got the Money! When you have the Money and the Time, you haven’t got the Energy!  

Ulcers are something you get from mountain climbing over molehills. ~ Anonymous

We have stopped being fishers of men and we are now the keepers of the aquarium. ~ (variously attributed)  

Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time. ~ Haruki Murakami  

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. ~ Peter Drucker  

Remember that in giving any reason at all for refusing, you lay some foundation for a future request. ~ Sir Arthur Helps  

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. ~ Benjamin Franklin  

Something tells me that they probably screwed up and named Murphy’s Law after the wrong guy. ~ Doug Finney