October 2011
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Day October 1, 2011

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins?  She baptized one and kept the other as a control.  

We just hired a molecular biologist.  Man, is he small.  

Never express yourself more clearly than you think. ~ Niels Bohr

There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them.  

Quicksand only works slowly.  

We are not strangers to ourselves; we only try to be. ~ Dean Koontz  

I lay awake listening to the silence, and felt the silence listening to me. ~ Dean Koontz  

To sell something, tell a woman it’s a bargain; tell a man it’s deductible. ~ E. Wilson  

A house without books is a room without windows. ~ Horace Mann  

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. ~ Demetri Martin  

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper.  See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it.  I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it. ~ Demetri Martin  

I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’  ~ Demetri Martin

How much roadkill do you think is suicide? Come on, some of those bastards are stepping out on purpose.  ~ Kathleen Kanz  

Bees have to move very fast to stay still.  ~ David Foster Wallace  

I do things like get in a taxi and say, “The library, and step on it.”  ~ David Foster Wallace  

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic? You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there’s a dog. ~ David Foster Wallace  

The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.  ~ Mark Twain  

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. ~ Terry Pratchett