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Day July 24, 2011

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her. ~ Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.  ~ Peter Ustinov  

Christie-Davies’ Theorem:  If your facts are wrong but your logic is perfect, then your conclusions are inevitably false. Therefore, by making mistakes in your logic, you have at least a random chance of coming to a correct conclusion.  

The child is father to the man. ~ William Wordsworth  

Murphy’s Law of Medicine:  Before ordering a medical test decide what you will do if the test is positive, or negative.  If both answers are the same, don’t do the test.  

What do you call three feet of trash?  A junk yard.    ++  

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.  

I sleep like a baby every night.  I wake up every three or four hours and cry.    

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.    ++  

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.  

Vivere senza rimipianti. ~  (Italian, “Live without regrets.”)  ++  

Franklin D. Roosevelt never said “The only thing we have to sphere is sphere itself.”

Tolkien is Hobbit-forming.  

Gerrold’s Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3) The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as […]

Support your local scientist. Invest in chemical bonds.  

The reason computer chips are so small is computers don’t eat much.  

Clones are people two.

Scientists are planning to put 300 head of cattle into orbit.  It’ll be the herd shot round the world.

Baroque (adj.):  When you are out of Monet

Very few people do anything creative after the age of 35. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before age 35. ~ Joel Hildebrand  

A precocious kid asks his mom, “Mommy, can you get pregnant from anal sex?” Mom:  ”Of course, darling, where do you think lawyers come from?”  

Who was bigger… Mrs. Bigger or her baby? Her baby was a little Bigger!  

What is the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver? The golfer goes ‘whack’ – “damn”. The sky-diver goes “damn” – ‘whack.’