May 2011
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Day May 21, 2011

Some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.

Want World Peace?  Replace oxygen with helium.  Who could stay mad at someone who sounds like a Chipmunk? ~ Anonymous  

If a creepy person asks why you never add your location to your Facebook Status updates, it’s probably a good idea to never add your location to your Facebook Status updates.  

I wouldn’t have to manage my anger if certain people would manage their stupidity. ~ Anonymous  

Food is like sex:  when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~ Beth McCollister  

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.  

If Thomas Edison invented the electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as “candle making industry threatened.” ~ Newt Gingrich  

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. ~ Napoleon  

There are two kinds of fools:  One say, This is old therefore it is good.  The other one says, This is new therefore it is better. ~ Dean William R. Inge  

The command, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’, was promulgated, according to our authorities, when the population of the world consisted of two persons. ~ Dean William R. Inge  

A Rabbi, a Lawyer, and a Priest…

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on the Titanic.  They rush to the lifeboat and as they get in, the rabbi says:  ’What about the children?’  The lawyer says:  ’Screw the children!’  The priest says:  ’Do you think we have time?’

It is better to light just one candle than to clean the whole apartment. ~ Eileen Courtney  

I’m not into that one-night stand thing.  I think a person should get to know someone and even be in love with them before you use and degrade them. ~ Steve Martin (SNL)  

When I can look Life in the eyes, Grown calm and very coldly wise, Life will have given me the Truth, And taken in exchange – my youth. ~ Sara Teasdale  

Whatever poet, orator, or sage may say of it, old age is still old age.  ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  

I don’t believe one grows older.  I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates.  ~ T.S. Eliot  

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. ~ Marty Feldman  

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. ~ Will Rogers  

B.I.B.L.E. =  Basic Information Before Leaving Earth