April 2011
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Day April 3, 2011

The beauty of a pun is in the “Oy!” of the beholder.  

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. ~ Carl Sagan  

Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art. ~ George Perkins Marsh  

Resisting temptation is easier when you think you’ll probably get another chance later on.  

QED.  Quod erat demonstrandum. ~ (Latin: “Thus it is proven.”  For all who wonder what QED really means.)  

Pyros of the world… IGNITE !!!  

Punning is the worst vice, and there’s no vice versa.  

Progress might have been all right once, but it’s gone on too long. ~ Ogden Nash  

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.  

Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.  

You can’t save everybody.  Just try not to be living next to them when they go off. ~ Dennis Miller  

You can drink them pretty, but you can’t drink them slim. ~ Jim Beasley  

Your moral authorities don’t always have your best interests in mind. ~ Matt Groening  

Pull your pants up, turn your hat around, and get a job. ~ P.J. O’Rourke  

Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.    

Fear is just your feelings asking for a hug.  ~ Danielle Sanchez-Witzel and Michael Pennie  

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.  ~ Mark Twain  

One of the widest gaps in human experience is the gap between what we say we want to be and our willingness to discipline ourselves to get there. ~ Harry Emerson Fosdick  

Did you hear about the baby born in the high-tech delivery room?  It was cordless.  

Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves. ~ Gene Fowler

There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money either. ~ Robert Graves

Time is the thief you cannot banish. ~ Phyllis McGinley    

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. ~ Rachel Carson  

Sometimes it’s worse to win a fight than to lose. ~ Billie Holiday

A man walks into a doctor’s office.  He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.  ”So Doc, what do you think is the matter with me?” he asks. The doctor says, “You’re not eating properly.”  

I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking 1,000 aspirin.  After the first two, I felt better!  

There are two days in the week about which and upon which I never worry…Yesterday and Tomorrow.  ~ Robert Jones Burdette  

I am reminded of the advice of my neighbor.  “Never worry about your heart till it stops beating.”  ~ E.B. White  

He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.  ~ Montaigne