April 2011
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Month April 2011

Truth and simplicity are inversely related.  

Being in politics is like being a football coach;  you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important. ~ Eugene McCarthy  

A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth. ~ Michael Kinsley  

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.    ++  

Urologists don’t have to advertise.  They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in.  

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?  A receding hare line.  

Why did the gum cross the road?  It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.  

What do you call small apartments that you rent out for free?  Stay free mini pads.  

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~ Plato  

Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried. ~ Edward Abbey  

I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers.  To preserve our independence, we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. ~ Thomas Jefferson

For NASA, space is still a high priority.  ~ Dan Quayle    ++  

Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked. ~  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.  

Be wise to-day; ’tis madness to defer. ~ Edward Young  

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. ~ Isaac Asimov  

Blame St. Andreas–it’s his fault.  

Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow’s newspaper?  

Every time I get on a ferry it makes me cross.  

Every time I hear the phone, it’s ringing.  

Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful. ~ Bess Myerson  

From sharp minds come…pointed heads.  

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. ~ Bertrand Russell     ++  

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. ~ Booker T. Washington  

It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands–and then eat just one of the pieces. ~ Judith Viorst     ++  

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money. ~  Groucho Marx  

I got a water-bed, but my husband stocked it with trout. ~ Joan Rivers  

When will all the rhetorical questions end? ~ George Carlin    ++  

The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football.   A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. ~ Joe Theismann  

Get even…with the people that have helped you.  

Headline:  Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat!  

Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. ~ John Ruskin  

Money isn’t everything–it isn’t even enough!  

Those who are poor smile at what they have yet those who have good fortune frown at what they do not have.  

Price, quality, service.  Pick two.

Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law.  Choose any two.  

By the time we’ve made it, we’ve had it. ~ Malcolm Forbes  

Formula for youth:  keep your enthusiasms and forget your birthdays.  

Maturity begins when we’re content to feel we’re right about something without feeling the necessity to prove someone else wrong. ~ Sydney Harris  

Strange how much you have to know before you know how little you know.  

Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer  

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. ~ John Andrew Holmes  

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. ~ John Andrew Holmes  

The average person thinks he isn’t. ~ Father Larry Lorenzoni  

There is a difference between happiness and wisdom:  he that thinks himself the happiest man is really so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool. ~ Francis Bacon  

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. ~ John F. Kennedy  

When a person has a pet peeve it’s remarkable how often they pet it.  

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. ~ Bernard Bailey  

Things are only impossible until they’re not.  

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.