March 2011
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Day March 11, 2011

If hypnosis worked, wouldn’t all the leaders be hypnotists?  What if they are? ~ Scott Adams

An anthropologist has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not New Tide with Lemon Fresh Borax. ~ David Letterman

There must be something to acupuncture because you never see any sick porcupines.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money. ~ Bob Monkhouse

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

If the alarm clock woke you up this morning, you didn’t get enough sleep.

In youth the days are short and the years are long;  in old age the years are short and the days long.  ~ Nikita Ivanovich Panin

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~ John Mortimer

An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.

In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening, love can hear the rustle of a wing. ~ Robert Ingersoll

When you die it’s the same as if everybody else did too. ~ Cormac McCarthy