March 2011
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Day March 8, 2011

He knew only that his child was his warrant.  He said:  If he is not the word of God, God never spoke. ~ Cormac McCarthy

If love alone could save you, you never would have died. ~ Kimberly N. Chastain

Money is the root of all evil.  For more information, send me $10.

I have a perfect body.  It’s your vision that’s defective.

Polynesia:  memory loss in parrots.

Smokers are just like everybody else.  Just not as long.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Ham and Eggs:  a day’s work for a chicken;  a lifetime commitment for a pig. ++

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

If at first you don’t succeed, try left field.

I can’t get enough minimalism.

There is no vaccine against stupidity. ~ Albert Einstein

The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. ~ Mad Magazine

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ~ George Carlin

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. ~ Jack Handey

Life is like an onion;  you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. ~ Carl Sandburg

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Did Adam ever say to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!”

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?    ++

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?     ++

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

Q:  What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? A:  You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.

Q:  What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond? A:  Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!