March 2011
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Day March 5, 2011

The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

War is like love; it always finds a way. ~ Bertolt Brecht

No one can be good for long if goodness is not in demand. ~ Bertolt Brecht

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first. ~ Bertolt Brecht

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you. ~ Jane Wagner

There are two kinds of light:  the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. ~ James Thurber

Progress was all right.  Only it went on too long. ~ James Thurber

Man is flying too fast for a world that is round.  Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision. ~ James Thurber

Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything. ~ James Thurber   ++

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. ~ James Thurber

I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything–which as you know, always leads to something–cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:  is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? ~ Rita Rudner

It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was. ~ Rita Rudner

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. ~ Joan Rivers

People always ask me, “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Well, I don’t have an alibi. ~ Emo Philips

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often. ~ Emo Philips

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought:  well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. ~ Emo Philips