February 2011
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Day February 17, 2011

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.  ~ William Davis

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  ~ William James

All who would win joy, must share it; happiness was born a twin.  ~ Lord Byron

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared:  twins. ~ Josh Billings    ++

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look … twins!” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

The God to whom little boys say their prayers has a face very like their mother’s. ~ James Matthew Barrie

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.    ++

Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

Murphy’s Law of Philosophy:  There are some things which are impossible to know–but it is impossible to know these things.

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.

Don’t make the wrong mistakes.  ++

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?  ++

How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?  ~ Steven Wright

So what is the speed of dark?  ~ Steven Wright

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? ~ Steven Wright

Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science.  ~ Henry David Thoreau

Optimists and pessimists differ only on the date of the end of the world. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

Only geniuses and idiots are mentally self-sufficient. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  ~ Anonymous

The world began without man, and it will end without him. ~ Claude Lévi-Strauss

Neither irony or sarcasm is argument. ~ Rufus Choate

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument ~ Richard Whately

Life is short; break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. ~ Anonymous

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. ~ Jascha Heifetz

I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts. ~ Herbert Prochnow

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Parenting is like joining the Peace Corps; it is the toughest job you’ll ever love.

FOREPLOY (n.):   Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex

Guys…just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.

I could get a new lease on life but I need the first and last month in advance. ~ Anonymous

When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough. ~ Maurice Maeterlinck

I am convinced that it is not the fear of death, of our lives ending that haunts our sleep so much as the fear… that as far as the world is concerned, we might as well never have lived. ~ Harold Kushner

Life is the flower for which love is the honey. ~ Victor Hugo

I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Unless you move, the place where you are is the place where you will always be. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

We’ve been through so much together, and most of it was your fault. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

He made man, and put his heart in the midst of the body, and gave him breath, life, and understanding. ~ Bible, Ezra 16:61