February 2011
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Day February 12, 2011

Comic relief is when you add a touch of humor to an otherwise serious situation.  It’s like the word “obey” in the marriage ceremony.    ++

I used to be a heavy gambler.  But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind. ~ Steve Allen

It’s easy to make a buck.  It’s a lot tougher to make a difference. ~ Tom Brokaw

In Egypt, archeologists discovered the burial site of the 50 children of Ramses II… Fifty children!  What I want to know is, who decided to name a condom after this guy? ~ Conan O’Brien

I said to my wife, “Come on, honey.  I can’t remember the last time we made love.” She says, “Well I can–and that’s why we’re not.”

Never let memories cast a shadow over your dreams. ~ Anonymous

The teachings of elegant sayings should be collected when one can. For the supreme gift of words of wisdom, any price will be paid. ~ Nagarjuna

If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it in the beginning. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

If it leads to comparison, you know it’s knowledge.  Otherwise, it’s just more information.

Amore, more, ore, re. ~ Latin:  (with) love, behavior, words, actions

You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?

A man, a plan, a canal–Panama! ~ The Palindromist

HAMMER:  Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!

If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

I used to get high on life but lately I’ve built up a resistance.

Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink? ~ Anonymous

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there was only joy in the world. ~ Helen Keller

My wife and I have a perfect understanding… I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine. ~ Anonymous

Life is short. Silence is long. ~ Anonymous

Our answering machine is away for repair. This is a person speaking. ~ Anonymous

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven’t thought of yet. ~ Ann Landers

I’m single by choice. Not my choice. ~ Orny Adams

Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I’d rather just lie around. No contest. ~ Eric Clapton

It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. ~ Jenny Craig

Shopping is better than sex.  At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.

Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.

Custer committed Siouxicide.

Ah, the Tsar’s bazaar’s bizarre beaux-arts!

Ab esse ad posse valet, a posse ad esse non valet consequentia. ~ (Latin:  From a thing’s reality one can be certain of its possibility, from its possibility one cannot be certain of its reality.)

There are three reasons for breast-feeding:  the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it. ~ Irena Chalmers

I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes from YOUR OWN account!

The bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

Just once, I wish someone would call me “sir” without adding “you’re making a scene.”

I killed a 6-pack, just to watch it die.

Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

Nature never said to me: Do not be poor; still less did she say: Be rich; her cry to me was always: Be independent. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

To trudge:  the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on. ~  Geoffrey Chaucer

Zealots, whatever their cause, invariably lack a sense of humor. ~ Paul Graham

In the beginning there was nothing… which was a paradox because of its own existence, so it exploded. ~ Douglas Adams