February 2011
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Day February 6, 2011

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around. ~ Christina Stead

Budget:  a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. ~ A. A. Latimer

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest. ~ Ambrose Bierce

The most fundamental purpose of government is defense, not empire. ~ Joseph Sobran

When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. ~ Robert Pirsig

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

The more you consume, the less you live.  Commodities are the opium of the people.

If God is dead, who will save the Queen? ~ Anonymous

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death. ~ Titus Lucretius Carus

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. ~ Roy L. Ash

How come you never hear about Siamese triplets? ~ Matt McClellan

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. ~ Mark Twain

Children reinvent your world for you. ~ Susan Sarandon    ++

Every baby needs a lap. ~ Henry Robin

A crying baby is the best form of birth control. ~ Carole Tabron

To be in your child’s memories tomorrow, be in his life today.  ~ Anonymous

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

What are little boys, made of? Frogs and snails, And puppy dog tails, That’s what little boys, are made of.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.    ++

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank; proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.    ++

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.”

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was brilliant.

Pride is a Comparison

If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone. ~ C.S. Lewis

Pride is a Comparison

Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. ~ C. S. Lewis

Doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. ~ Paul Tillich

People have too much hate. I hear guys talk, they don’t like their mother-in-law, they hate their mother-in-law. Me, I love my mother-in-law, it’s her daughter I can’t stand! ~ Rodney Dangerfield

For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble.

The Federal Witness Protection Program has come up with a sure- fire method for making absolutely certain that people entering the program are NEVER found by anyone. They just change the witness’s name to G. Spot. ~

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. ~ Albert Einstein

I do not like work even when someone else does it. ~ Mark Twain

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! ~ Brian O’Rourke    ++

All the cereals nowadays. Cracklin’ Oat Bran and Horkin Fiber Chunks.  Cereal used to come with a free prize, now it comes with a free roll of toilet paper in every box. ~Denis Leary

It was the worst round of golf I’ve ever played. I only hit two good balls all day, and that was because I stepped on a rake!

The 50-50-90 rule:  Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.