February 2011
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Day February 5, 2011

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.    ++

A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn’t any Santa Claus, and he’s still upset. ~ James Gould Cozzens

You don’t have to agree with me, but its quicker.

The body consists of three parts–the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five–a, e, i, o, and u. ~ (Attributed to a child’s answers on a science test.)

Hypochondriac:  a person who wants to have her ache and treat it too.

Do you ever wonder why you wonder, and then wonder why you wondered why you were wondering?

Music has been called the universal language, despite the fact that it is neither universal nor a language. If you disagree, try telling an Eskimo that his pants are on fire using only a kazoo. ~ Anonymous

I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut. ~ Anonymous

Lately my wife and I fight constantly. I’ve been so upset and depressed, I’ve lost 20 pounds. My friend said to me “Arthur, if it’s that bad, why don’t you leave her?” I told him “I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.” ~ Anonymous

I used to think that the whole world was against me. But I’ve found that a few smaller countries are neutral. ~ Robert Orben

The most popular kids’ show in France is Beauxault le Clown. ~ Steve Connelly

No matter how much the passengers eat, the weight of the plane stays the same. ~ Steve Connelly

A skunk walked by and my odor eaters went berserk with blood lust. They tripped me, escaped from my loafers, and chased the skunk up a tree. My feet were still hot and sweaty, so I bought wind socks. ~ Steve Connelly

If she spoke her mind, she would have nothing to say.

It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly. ~ Steve Connelly

If space and time are the same (see:   Einstein, Albert), can you be five miles late?

I don’t get even, I get odder.

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

History repeats itself; that’s one of the things that’s wrong with history. ~ Clarence Darrow

We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence…on pain of liquidation. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy.  I expostulated, but he replied:  ”The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that’s fair.”  In these words he epitomized the history of the human race. ~ Bertrand Russell

What a country calls its vital economic interests are not the things which enable its citizens to live, but the things which enable it to make war. Petrol is much more likely than wheat to be a cause of international conflict. ~ Simone Weil

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels.  But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young. ~ J. K. Rowling

What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more. ~ Seneca

Politics… have always been the systematic organization of hatreds. ~ Henry Brooks Adams

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. ~ Anonymous