January 2011
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Month January 2011

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont. ~ Clarence Darrow

F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!

Ass ( n.): The masculine of “lass.”

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. ~ Quentin Crisp

I expect to pass through this world but once.  Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now.  Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again. ~ Stephen Grellet

There are well-dressed foolish ideas, just as there are well-dressed fools. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

Society is composed of two great classes, those that have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinner. ~  Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are willing to love. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

Advertising is selling by telling. ~ Gary B. Wright

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. ~ Richard Pryor

Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell. ~ Franklin P. Jones

The first condition of immortality is death. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, “You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat […]

Too bad about the kamikaze pilots. They had to do all their bragging ahead of time. ~ Tommy Sledge

Walking across town tonight I looked up and saw a club marquee that said, “Live Nudes.”  I thought:  Good choice. ~ Tommy Sledge

Cured ham? No thanks pal.  Cured of what?  What if it has a relapse on my plate? ~ Tommy Sledge

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue … and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? ~ Rita Rudner

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.

Whiskey and Beer are a man’s worst enemies… but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!~  Zeca Pagodinho

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. ~ Louis Pasteur

Drink triple, see double, and act single.

I drink to make other people interesting. ~ Dave Barry

Whiskey’s too rough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer. ~ Tom T. Hall

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. ~ Jack Handey

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management. ~ Scott Adams

Because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us. ~ Henrik Tikkanen

Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.  ~ Will Rogers

A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.

It’s better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices.

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters. ~ Jean-Paul Kauffmann

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex–but Congress can. ~ Cullen Hightower

The wise man must remember that while he is a descendant of the past, he is a parent of the future. ~ Herbert Spencer

Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there. ~ Cullen Hightower

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ~ Herbert Spencer

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. ~ Mark Twain    ++

Talk is cheap… except when Congress does it. ~ Cullen Hightower

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. ~ Voltaire

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. ~ Will Rogers

Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. ~ Ronald Reagan

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. ~ Frederic Bastiat

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

I have a Degree in Liberal Arts;  Do you want fries with that?

Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. ~ James Bovard

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none. ~ Doug Larson

You were born as an original. Don’t die as a copy. ~ John Mason

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace. ~ Jimi Hendrix