January 2011
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Day January 23, 2011

Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.  ~ Anonymous

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.  ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Don’t wait for the Last Judgment.  It happens every day.  ~ Albert Camus

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.  ~ Thomas à Kempis

It was how you came to love someone in the first place, he was thinking, you notice something pure. Thus the popularity of dogs and babies. ~ “Spooner,” by Pete Dexter

To advise is easier than to help. ~ German proverb

He that has no children brings them up well. ~ Spanish proverb

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box. ~ Italian proverb

A man can’t get rich if he takes proper care of his family. ~ Navajo Proverb

Don’t be afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still. ~ Chinese proverb

The road to a friend’s house is never long. ~ Swedish proverb

The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. ~ S.I. Kishor

The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

They are happiest who have power to gather wisdom from a flower. ~ Mary Howitt

What excuse do I have for not being married?  I was born that way!

Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?

Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start out with two hearts and a diamond, and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. ~ Jack Handey

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sin. ~ Jack Handey

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex. ~ Jack Handey

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.  And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves. ~ Dan Castellaneta

Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy. ~ Albert Einstein

I was so poor growing up–if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Boy, life takes a long time to live. ~ Steven Wright

Don’t wait to make your son a great man–make him a great boy.

What is genius?  It is the power to be a boy again at will. ~ James Matthew Barrie

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. ~ Ed Howe

The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.

There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance can be cured by learning and reading. Stupidity isn’t willing to be cured.

There is never a right way to do the wrong thing.

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. ~ Elie Wiesel

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. ~ Confucius

The world is a great big book, of which those who never travel read only one page. ~ Augustine

I want to thank you for the privilege of speaking in this beautiful auditorium today.  You know the meaning of the word “auditorium?”  It comes from two Latin words:  “Audio” meaning “to hear,” and “taurus,” meaning “bull.”

They have all sorts of new services today. Now they’ve got a dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a number and nobody answers.

The tip you leave now for lunch would have bought you one twenty years ago.

Three shortest books: 1) A guide to Arab democracies 2) Everything men know about women 3) The Amish phonebook

The secret of happiness is to admire without desire.

There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. “But it ended,” he said, “When she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.” “What did she say?” asked the friend. The husband replied, “She said, ‘come out from under that bed, you coward!’”    […]

There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.

There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money. ~ William Weld

There is no future in spending the present worrying about the past.     ++