January 2011
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Day January 1, 2011

I’ve known rivers: I’ve known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins. My soul has grown deep like the rivers. ~ Langston Hughes

The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”  I said, “Dust!” ~ Red Skelton

We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops. ~ Red Skelton

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.  So I suggested the kitchen. ~ Red Skelton

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. ~ Red Skelton

There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.

There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.    ++

There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

Never say “OOPS!”  Always say, “Ah, Interesting!”

A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.

All computers wait at the same speed.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why do people who know the least, know it the loudest?

What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker and that car doesn’t move when the traffic light turns green?

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

If the universe is expanding, why can’t I find a parking space?

If someone were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?

If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille?

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

Crime doesn’t pay . . . does that mean that my job is a crime?

Can it be a mistake that “desserts” is “stressed” spelled backwards?

Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released.  Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work.”

A smart man learns from his own mistakes.  A truly wise man learns from the mistakes of others. ~ Latin Proverb

As the confusion of tongues was a mark of separation,  so the being of one language is a mark of union. ~ Francis Bacon, Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)

Some seem to prefer reflected light to genuine sunshine. ~ Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)

It’s a job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

Golf is harder than baseball.  In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers… neither of whom can putt very well.

He who knows not the way to the seashore, should take a river for his companion. ~ Anonymous, Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)

Little by little, one travels far. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

I can’t live today with yesterday’s passion. ~ Craig Groeschel

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. ~ Herman Hesse

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. ~ Michael Cibenko

Every exit is an entry somewhere. ~ Tom Stoppard

We need in love to practice only this:  letting each other go.  For holding on comes easily–we do not need to learn it. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke