December 2010
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Day December 19, 2010

When we hold our grandchildren in our arms, we are holding a piece of the future we will not see.

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

Excellent time to become a missing person.

Can you repeat the part after “Listen very carefully”?

I am a deeply superficial person. ~ Andy Warhol

Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!

If it weren’t for caffeine I’d have no personality whatsoever!

The covers of this book are too far apart. ~ Ambrose Bierce

A boo is a lot louder than a cheer. ~ Lance Armstrong

Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Sleep:  a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

Optimist:  Someone without much experience.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. ~ George Will

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

A foolish opinion shared by thousands is still a foolish opinion. ~  Anatole France

Dancing:  the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. ~ Mae West

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~ Groucho Marx

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. ~ Mae West

Virtue is its own punishment.

The 5 best (political) sentences you’ll ever read

1.   You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity. 2.    What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. 3,    The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4.    When half of the people […]

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down. ~ Flip Wilson

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin Williams

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.  ++

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy

If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. ~ Bruce Barton     ++

Real eyes realize real lies. ~ Machine Head

Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.

God loves you, and I’m trying. ~ John Sohl

Without Jesus there would be hell to pay!

Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? ~ Steven Wright

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so stay wasted all the time, and have the time of your life!

Work fascinates me–I can look at it for hours!

My hometown is so tough, gun shops have “Back to School” sales.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

TRANSLATIONS OF SELECT PHRASES INTO CHINESE:

Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man – Dum Gai Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni Your price is too high!!! – No Bai Dam Thing!! Did you go to the beach? – Wai Yu So Tan I bumped into a coffee table […]

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

When death, like a gypsy, comes to steal what I love, I will still look to the Heavens, I will still seek Your face. ~ Jars of Clay

Often it is fatal to live too long. ~ Racine

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven’t committed. ~ Anthony Powell

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. ~ Groucho Marx

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. ~ Phyllis Diller

It is not how old you are, but how you are old. ~ Marie Dressler

Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. ~ William Blake

When you are lost, enjoy the view.

We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. ~ Agnes Repplier